


Hold On

by Icka M Chif (mischif)



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Blanket Permission, Body Horror, Fire, Gen, Platonic Romance, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 14:30:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15887925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischif/pseuds/Icka%20M%20Chif
Summary: Before Heinz Doofenshmirtz was born, his mother made a deal with the fae in exchange for her first born child.They just took a while to pick him up.(Also known as the Perryshmirtz Tam Lin fic)





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> The upcoming [Perryshmirtz Week](https://perryshmirtz-week.tumblr.com) got us in the mood for writing Phineas and Ferb fic. This one didn't fit any of the week's themes, so posting early. Crossposted to [Pillowfort](https://pillowfort.io/Mischif), because that's a thing now. Thanks to [Revenblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue) for the beta!

* * *

“Well...” Heinz said slowly, his throat clicking on the last syllable. “That explains a lot.” 

Perry did a double take at his nemesis, before turning to glare at the strange creature that had shown up, demanding Doofenshmirtz go with him. That was a bit of an understatement, which was rare for the evil scientist. 

From the almost blank look on his nemesis’ face, it was taking a moment to sink it. It was a lot. 

Perry backed up a step so that his tail was pressed against Heinz’s leg, reminding the scientist he wasn’t alone. Heinz startled slightly, a hand dropping down to rest on the top of Perry’s hat, not trapping him, just holding on. 

According to this… Elf, he supposed, given the humanoid appearance and long pointed ears, Heinz’s mother had gotten a little carried away with a mysterious non-human stranger one Midsummer when she was younger, and found herself expecting. 

Unlike most people in her situation, she’d chosen a… unique solution. On All Hallow’s Eve, she’d jumped on a horse on the Wild Hunt, and held on until morning in order to have her wishes granted by the leader of the hunt. She had two. 

In exchange for riding with the Hunt, she’d asked for a husband. The rider whom she’d held onto became her spouse.

And blessings on the rest of her children, in exchange for her first born.

An agreement had been reached, but the fae had not been happy with her cunning, and never promised **when** they would take her first born.

All of the atrocities, everything that had happened to Heinz, his parents not being there at his birth, leaving him outside to be taken at night, the dresses and the general apathy for his existence, suddenly made sense. They were raising a child they never thought they were supposed to have.

And to add to it, _now_ the fae had shown up to fulfil their end of the bargain. 

Perry glared at the elf, letting out a warning rumble. They would take Heinz over Perry’s cold body. 

The elf seemed amused by Perry’s defiance, raising a single silvery eyebrow at him. 

“I…” Heinz tried, the word trailing off for a moment before he tried again. “I don’t want to go. Not now… Now that I’ve started to get my life together.” 

Heinz’s touch on Perry’s hat tightened for a moment, and Perry chirped quietly in acknowledgement. The scientist had come a long way since they’d first become nemeses. So had Perry, it’d been a mutual growth, the two bringing both the best and the worst out in each other.

It was just lucky that this happened while Perry was here. He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if Heinz had been taken away without warning. 

“If you had taken me when I was child, it would have been a blessing.” Heinz added, talking slowly. “But not anymore. I like where I am now.”

The elf snorted. “The deal-”

“Was with my mother, not me.” Heinz said, speaking firmly, and Perry smiled, glad to see Heinz’ fire back. Or ire, as the case may be. “It was made before I was born, I had no part in agreeing with it.”

“And your father wants you back.” The elf said smoothly. 

“Then he could have shown up long before now.” Heinz snapped, removing his hand from Perry’s hat to gesture wildly with it. “It’s been 47 years. I know time supposedly moves differently for you, but for humans, that’s a pretty long time. I have a child of my own now, and I’m not about to leave her behind. Especially not without warning. I’m _not_ my father. Any of them.” 

Perry nodded, grunting in agreement. Vanessa would be devastated. And nothing would break Heinz’ heart as much as hurting his ‘little girl’, no matter how big she got. 

This got them a considering look, that Perry didn’t trust for a second. “Let it never be said that the fae are never… _fair_.” 

“Ooh?” Heinz drawled skeptically, and Perry narrowed his eyes. 

“You are correct in that you did not agree to the terms before you were born, and that much time has passed.” The elf mused. “So therefore, I offer a deal.”

“What kind of deal?” Heinz asked, clearly not trusting the guy or the deal at all. It was a nice change of pace. Usually Heinz was one of the most gullible people Perry had ever met. 

The elf smirked. “A simple one. If you can hold on to your friend there for, say, eleven minutes? About the time that you used to trap him before he escaped?”

“Hey.” Heinz frowned. “Sometimes it was for a special ninety minutes, you know.” 

Perry growled. Heinz was missing the point. Giving up evil and going straight was a fairly recent development, which meant that this guy had been watching them for a while, and somehow OWCA had missed it. 

“Fine, a half hour then.” The elf waved a hand. “If you can hold on to him for a half hour, then you can remain here for the rest of your mortal life.” 

Perry glanced up at Heinz, meeting his gaze. Perry would do his darndest not to escape, that was for sure. Heinz didn’t look entirely certain.

Perry turned his attention back to the elf and chattered. What happened if they lost?

“Agreed.” Heinz said darkly. “What happens if I can’t hold him for a full half hour?”

The elf smiled. The expression almost looked benevolent, if not for the impression of hidden fangs. “Then you come with us.” 

“No, I’m clear on that part.” Heinz waved it off. “What happens to Perry the Platypus?” 

That wiped the smug look from the elf’s face. “What?”

“Well, you didn’t pick me up for 47 years out of spite.” Heinz crossed his arms over his chest. “So I wanted to make sure there’s no backlash against Perry the Platypus over this. Or my daughter, since she wouldn’t have been born if you’d grabbed me way back when. So in the event that me, myself, and I should happen to lose, what happens?”

The elf looked confused. “Then I take you with me-?” They repeated, as if they didn’t understand how Perry and Heinz were having trouble understanding the concept.

“Just me.” Heinz pointed to his chest. “Heinz Doofenshmirtz. No one else.”

“Yes.” The elf agreed slowly. “Just you.” 

“Okay then.” Heinz clapped his hands together with a broad grin. “I agree to your terms.” 

Perry growled again. There had to be a trap in there somehow. It couldn’t be that easy. He glanced around Heinz’ workshop, trying to figure some form of backup in case this went south. The lab was strangely empty, most of the inators were gone, but Norm at least was usually hanging around in the background…

Norm. 

Norm couldn’t understand Perry, but the squirrel inside his chest could. Perry shouted, calling for Norm, and heard crashing in the distance. 

“I’m going to pick you up now, Perry the Platypus.” Heinz said, drawing Perry’s attention back to him. “Please don’t hit me.”

Perry chirred reassuringly at him. It wasn’t entirely a valid concern, Perry had never punched Heinz for picking him up, mostly because Heinz had always been very careful not to cross that line. Or at least consciously, there’d been a few times when he’d gotten caught up in a song or an inator, but Heinz had never treated him like a dumb animal. 

One large hand wrapped around Perry’s chest, lifting him up slightly. A second quickly supported his legs before Heinz picked him up entirely, cradling Perry’s smaller form against his chest. It was kind of nice to be held like this, his boys’ hands were so tiny, and they had a habit of carrying him like a football. This was much more comfortable. 

“I am here.” Norm announced, walking in through the door without breaking it for a change. “Oh, we have a guest. What fun.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Heinz waved him off, looking over at the elf. “So how are we going to do this? I just hold on to him for a half hour? And how will we know a half hour is up? Gonna set a timer or something?”

“When the sand runs out.” The elf waved their hand and an hourglass appeared, sand beginning to trickle to the bottom. A sharp, malicious grin crossed their face. “Hold tight.”

Perry had just enough time to shout for either Norm or the Squirrel to time it, hoping they understood it was for a half hour, not trusting the hour glass to be for the agreed amount of time. 

And then the **pain** hit him. His body warped and twisted beyond any control he might have had, suddenly larger, and with teeth in his mouth instead of his usual bill. 

“Perry!” Heinz called, struggling to hold on to him. Perry cracked open one eye he’d squeezed shut without realising it, catching sight of a teal limb that looked like it belonged to a bear, with massive claws. 

And just as quickly as he’d gained that shape, his body changed again, turning smaller and narrower. A snake. 

It had been a trap after all. This wasn’t Perry’s doing, it was the bastard trying to force Heinz to drop him. 

Not on Perry’s watch.

He latched on to Heinz’s wrist with his fangs, gripping it tight. Heinz’s arms were titanium, something that he hoped the fae was unaware of, considering it had taken over five years of backstories and knowing the evil scientist before Perry had learned about Heinz’s missing limbs.

But more importantly, the metal limbs weren’t attached to Heinz’s circulatory system, so a bite there wouldn’t transmit any venom. And it made it look like Perry was trying to escape, rather than latching on so he couldn’t. 

Heinz screeched in surprise and a bit of pain, Perry belated remembered that there were some nerve connections, but he didn’t release Perry, clutching him tighter. 

Perry shifted again, growing massive, bigger than Heinz, muscles stretching and bones creaking as heavy antlers sprouting from his head, a deafening bellow coming from his mouth. Perry thought he might be a moose, Heinz nearly falling over as he tried to keep hold, and then he was shrinking again, into some sort of bird.

A bird with a really large tail. A peacock, then. 

The pace seemed to increase after that. He had barely a moment to breathe before the next shape would start. Hare, goat, fish, monkey, mouse, tiger.

Then scales started grow, a new set of limbs sprouting from his back while he maintained his arms and legs. When he opened his mouth to scream, there was a click, and the smell of sulphur.

He turned his head and spat a stream of fire at the elf, arms curled protectively around Heinz. 

The elf jumped out of the way, silver hair streaming behind them as they did, the edges just a touch singed. They gave Perry an evil glare, something inhuman rolling in their eyes. Perry stared back, taking a deep breath to release another volley of fire, and elf made some sort of motion, a loud crack going through the air as Perry’s wings broke and began to sink back into his spine. 

Perry screamed, but this time there was no fire. 

Cow, scorpion, emu, dog, the shapes and forms began to blur, coming faster and faster as if in revenge for Perry’s stunt with the fire. Perry closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe, holding on to Heinz as tightly as he could, no matter what shape or size he ended up as. 

He could get through this. It was just a half hour. He wasn’t going to lose Heinz.

It was when the fae got tired with changing him into different animals and his body melted way, turing him into flames that he started to despair. He didn’t know how he could see, but he could, Heinz cupping him in his palms, the skin of his mechanical hands melting off onto the floor and revealing the metal skeleton inside. 

“Perry.” Heinz whispered, looking at Perry with the softest expression on his face. 

Perry almost wanted to reach out and touch him, cradle him back. But he could see the blue flames that made up his ‘body’ and knew he couldn’t, not this time. 

Then his body was solid once more, changing into something of rock and lava, growing larger, and he began to fear he’d crush Heinz instead. 

“Time’s up!” Norm’s voice seemed to echo through the room. “It has been exactly one half hour.” 

The mass Perry had been gaining suddenly vanished, and he shrunk down to Heinz’s size with the speed of a deflating balloon, the fire extinguishing as if it’d never been. They struggled to stay upright, Heinz’s arms wrapped around Perry.

“Impossible!” The elf spat, and Perry glanced over to see that the hourglass was little more than halfway done. 

“My body is made of iron, and therefore most likely immune to your magics.” Norm cheerfully informed the elf, who recoiled. “The rest of the clocks in this room are running noticeably slower than usual.” 

“Half hour, huh?” Heinz snapped, his voice sharp with irritation. Perry took the moment to focus on his body, every part of him screaming and sore as if he’d been fighting non-stop for days, unused to the ways that it had been twisted and warped. 

It took an effort of will to focus on his hands, and a second more to realise that they were human hands. Not platypus. A scattering of teal strands of hair against dark tanned skin, flat dull nails that were gripping the lapels of Heinz’s lab coat. 

Perry looked up at his nemesis’ face, realising that he didn’t have that far to look up. He was still short, probably only coming up to Heinz’s chin, but much taller than he usually was. Perry opened his mouth, the feel of lips moving over flat teeth a little strange, but not enough to distract him from trying to do something he’d always wanted to to do. 

“Heinz.” 

It was little more than a gutteral wheeze, but it was clearly a word. An important word. Heinz’s name. 

The scientist seemed to get whiplash with as quickly as his head turned back to stare at Perry. “You?” Heinz’s voice cracked in surprise, warm metallic hands tightening on Perry’s bare back. 

“Heinz.” Perry repeated, pleased that he could say at least that much. “You’re…” 

Here, he faltered. There was so much, too much, for him to put into words. His best friend. His bitterest enemy, his rival. The one person who brought out the extremes in Perry, knocked him from his safe professional detachment. He wouldn’t be half the platypus he was without Heinz.

The person that Perry would do absolutely almost anything for. So much so, sometimes it scared him.

He stared up at Heinz, unable to articulate it, this one chance he had to actually _speak_ to Heinz, to tell him everything and he couldn’t find the words. 

“-Mine.” 

Is what came out, and it felt completely, utterly insignificant. He felt his face heat up, embarrassed by the lack of eloquence. 

Most of Heinz' issues came from the fact that Heinz wanted to fit in, he wanted to belong, and he'd struggled to find that. Perry had as well. He couldn't talk to his kids as anything other than a dumb pet. And as much as he was prided as being a company man to OWCA, the truth was he didn't quite fit in with the rest of the other agents, he'd stood out, alone. 

He didn't have that with Heinz. 

Heinz smiled softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling up fondly. “You’re mine too, Perry the Platypus.” He said warmly, leaning forward to press his forehead against Perry’s. 

Perry smiled, and would have chirred happily if he’d been a platypus. It was okay. Heinz got it and understood. When it came to each other, they belonged. 

“You’re really solid as a human, you know?” Heinz added, patting Perry’s back. “You’re like a brick wall. Lots of muscle. Lot of… Lot of naked muscle and skin there, Perry the Platypus.” 

Perry just closed his eyes and _laughed_ , it coming out as kind of a breathless wheeze that sounded suspiciously like his normal chittering. 

“Okay, so.” Heinz turned his attention back to the fae. “You just cheated, by playing with time. Thanks for catching that, Norm.”

“You are most welcome.” Norm boomed. “It was Perry the Platypus’ idea.” 

Perry smirked in the direction of the elf, who was eyeing Norm warily. 

“Yeah, he’s good at stuff like that.” Heinz agreed easily, patting Perry. “Which, since you _clearly_ cheated, I think that means we win by default.”

“And how can you prove that you are not the ones that cheated?” The elf asked haughtily, crossing their arms across their chest.

“One, you stopped when Norm said time was up.” Heinz said with a malicious glint in his eye. “And two. Norm, why don’t you give our guest a hug?”

“It would be my pleasure!” Norm boomed, opening his arms wide to embrace the fae. 

“No!” The elf held their hands up, taking a step back from the giant metal robot. “No. No hugs. I concede, you won.” 

“Great.” Heinz smiled, full of flat human teeth. “To be honest, that’s not to say I’m opposed to the idea of going with you in the future. It does sound interesting. Try back again in like, twenty years. And maybe Perry will want to come with too. What do you say, Perry the Platypus?”

Perry thought it over, for any pros or cons. His kids would be older then too, and growing old with Heinz had a certain appeal. They’d probably try to cheat each other at board games.

Heinz was right, it sounded interesting. But he had ties here to his kids and family. He couldn’t choose between Heinz and his family right now, his loyalties were too torn. This was an acceptable trade off. 

He nodded in agreement, and Heinz beamed in delight. “So that’s two for maybe. So, come back twenty years, that’s human, earth years, mind you, and ask again, and we’ll see how it goes. Oh, and don’t be late this time or, well, we’ll probably be dead of old age by then.” 

“Very well.” The elf gave them a look that was practically venomous. “I shall see you again, in twenty human years time.” 

Things began to ripple, a portal back to the other side most likely. Perry straightened, a noise of alarm escaping from his throat. He was in the wrong shape!

“Hey!” Heinz snapped. “Turn Perry back into a platypus first. That’s rude you know, changing someone’s species without asking, then leaving. What are you trying to do? Rack up insults? Cause we’re totally willing to pay back in kind. Just try me, buddy.”

Perry nodded in response. His balance was off like this, without his tail, but he was more than willing to kick the elf’s ass. And this size, he could hit harder. 

They got one more poisonous glare, then Perry’s world tilted again, pain wracking his body as it shrunk back to his normal shape. “I got you, Perry the Platypus.” Heinz murmured quietly as Perry shivered in agony. No more. He couldn’t do that again. 

It took awhile for him to be able to focus on anything other than the spasms that tore through him, vaguely aware of Heinz instructing Norm to check the penthouse and the labs for any surprises that might have been left behind. He cracked one eye open, then the other, realising he’d curled into a protective ball in Heinz’s hand. 

Heinz’s destroyed hands. One seemed to be permanently curled into a very loose fist, metal and wires visible through the wreck of the melted surface. He whimpered at the destruction he’d accidently caused. 

“Don’t worry about it, Perry the Platypus. I’ve got spare arms.” Heinz assured him, and Perry looked up to find Heinz looking tenderly down at him. “You’re more important than they are. And that was amazing.”

Heinz lifted Perry up so they were more on eye level. “I got to hold your heart, Perry the Platypus. And it was beautiful. So strong, with gorgeous blue flames that just raged out of it. Just for that moment itself, Perry the Platypus, it was worth wrecking my hands.”

This man… was so ridiculous. Perry loved him so much. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Heinz’ thin neck and holding on. Even if he could speak, Perry didn’t think he’d be able to find the words to respond to something like that. 

But that was Heinz, constantly kinder than even his nemesis knew himself to be.

Heinz gave a small chuckle, resting one hand on Perry’s back, hugging him back the best he could with their size differences.

“My goodness, Perry the Platypus. What a day, eh?” Heinz commented, some exhaustion leaking into his tone. “I’m half… whatever. That certainly does explain a few things, and am certainly going to have to look into that. And tell Vanessa, because that makes her a quarter. Might explain her looks, she did _not_ get that nose from either her mother or I, I tell you that.”

Heinz began to wander off, monologuing as he went. It was soothing, the familiarity of his nemesis’ chatter a balm to Perry’s frazzled nerves.

He leaned back to give Heinz a once over. The older human was moving like he was either hurt or exhausted, and there were various cuts and slashes in his lab coat. There’d be no repairing it, the coat would have to be scrapped. Other than Heinz’ melted and damaged arms, he didn’t look too bad, and Perry couldn’t smell any blood at least.

One highlight, at least. 

“-If you have the time before you leave for the day, Perry the Platypus.” His name drew his attention back to what Heinz’s was saying as they wandered into the living room. “I could use some help with my arms. I have replacements for them, it’s just getting them on can be a little tricky, and Norm’s good on the big stuff, not so much the tiny fiddly bits.” 

Perry chirped in agreement. Yeah. He could help with that. There were still a couple of hours before he really needed to get back home, so he had some time. 

“Thanks.” Heinz sat down with a grunt, putting his feet up on a foot rest and leaning back. He gave a soft sigh, seeming to lose the tension he’d been carrying, replaced by weariness as he set Perry down to sit on his leg. Perry idly leaned against him, making a soft exhausted chirr as he did so.

Norm stomped by, looking for any more invisible creatures, then walked away again. 

This was nice.

“If you don’t mind, Perry the Platypus.” Heinz said quietly, a fragile edge to his voice as he curled a hand around Perry’s shoulders, gently cradling him. “I’m going to hold on to you for a little bit longer.”

He probably should say no, maintain at least a little bit of professional decorum. Major Monogram would have conniptions at how close they currently were, former nemesis or not. 

Perry used Heinz’s clothing to climb up until he could rest his head tucked under Heinz’s chin, one and latched firmly on the coat’s lapels, the other around Heinz’s narrow shoulders, and gave a soft chirp in return. He'd had a long, hard _strange_ day and right now, his body ached, he was tired of fighting and just wanted a moment of peace to pull himself together.

Heinz gave a soft exhale of surprise, then his arms reached up to cradle Perry, both offering and accepting a bit of comfort. Perry just closed his eyes and purred softly, tightening his grip. 

Yeah. He was going to hold on for just a little bit longer too. 

-fin-


End file.
